John Wall Doesn't Scare Me

That may have been the weakest punch I have ever seen a professional athlete throw.  I would let John Wall punch me in the ribs right now, I don't even know if I would get a bruise.  John Wall just skyrocketed up the list of NBA players I would fight if my life depended on it.

Bill Laimbeer Is Still a Dick

ESPNChicago - Bill Laimbeer wasn't much of a fan of the last Chicago Bull to win MVP, and he doesn't appear too enamored with the franchise's current contender for the award, Derrick Rose.
The former Detroit Pistons center and current Minnesota Timberwolves assistant coach didn't care to make comparisons between Rose and five-time MVP Michael Jordan, but offered up one criticism of Rose.
"I wouldn't compare them because I don't really care about either of them," Laimbeer said Wednesday on "The Waddle & Silvy Show" on ESPN 1000. "One is a point guard and one is a shooting guard. They are two completely different positions. Derrick Rose has a lot to learn also as far as getting his teammates more involved. He takes the ball a lot himself these days. But he's a very aggressive player, he's fast, he's strong and he has the great skillset to be very successful. To compare the two would be a stretch at this point."

What's Going on With Bruce Weber and Oklahoma?

 

Chicago Sun-Times -  The Norman (Okla.) Transcript, citing a “well-placed” source, said Illinois coach Bruce Weber has emerged as a viable candidate to become the next coach at Oklahoma, saying there appears to be mutual interest.

Weber, who has been at Illinois the last eight seasons, appears to have some reasons to find Oklahoma attractive, the paper said.
Earlier this season, athletic director Ron Guenther issued a statement supporting Weber’s future at Illinois when it looked like it might miss the NCAA tournament for the third time in four years.
Illinois must replace four senior starters next season.
The source said another factor that could make OU attractive to Weber is that Guenther’s contract expires at the end of June. If it’s not renewed, the paper said Weber’s seat could get hot under a new athletic director.

Asik and Destroy: Bulls win 108-91

Like I said after the Bulls lost to the Sixers, you didn't want to be the Timberwolves on Wednesday night.  The Bulls did not start the game slow like they had the last few games and dominated the crappy T-Wolves 108-91.  It was nice to see the Bulls bounce back, but not really that impressive considering that I'm pretty sure the Bulls "Bench Mob" (the nickname given to the bench players by CJ Watson) could have beat the T-Wolves by 10 by themselves.

2011 MLB Predictions

 

Baseball season starts tomorrow, so it is time to get some predictions on the record.  

The Worst Drunk Dial Ever

Come on Ryan, you've got to give lady Dominic here a shot.  I mean, you both love yo-yo's, she has a good job at either EBAY or Jamba Juice and on top of that, she sounds totally sane.

I hope this starts a new trend of drunk dials being posted on the internet.  Forget texts from last night, drunk dials from last night is where it is at.  You know what, why stop there.  FaceTimes from last night is the future and we need to make that happen with the quickness.

Cleveland Beats the Heat and Lebron is a Punk...Again

 

The Cavs beat the Heat and Lebron James last night 102-90.  Does this make everything better for the fans in Cleveland?  No, but I guarantee they feel good right now.  The Cavs won their 15th game of the season, in a game that they controlled from beginning to end.  Lebron had a triple double, but that won't matter, because everyone will remember how he acted like a bitch...again.

2011 White Sox Season Preview: All In

According to the White Sox they are "all in" this year, but what does that really mean?  They increased their payroll by $20 million and signed Adam Dunn in the offseason.  Does it mean if they don't win they are going to blow the team up?  I'm not sure, and I don't know if anyone is sure, but one thing I do know, is that they have built a team that is ready to contend for a AL Central title.

2011 Cubs Season Preview: Year 2

Last year was a tough year for the Cubs and I don't think their fans are too optimistic about the upcoming season either.  But I think they should be.  Not in the, "This is our year" type of way, but in the fact that they should be competitive in their division and it looks like they are beginning to successfully transition into the next iteration of their team.

It turns out the Bulls can lose

The Bulls started a game slow again last night and it cost them this time, as they fell to the Sixers 97 - 85.  They came out completely flat and were down 27 - 13 after the first quarter, then pulled the game to within three points at the end of the third quarter, but never were able to grab the lead.

So, how is your bracket doing?

Well, that is my bracket up above, and that is a lot of red.  You would think that is just a disaster of a bracket, yet somehow I'm in the top 20% of all brackets on ESPN.com.  I guess that's what happens in a year in which only 2 of 5.9 million people picked the Final Four right in the ESPN Bracket Challenge.  I'm also assuming the two people who made those picks don't really know much about college basketball and have some affiliation with VCU.  Why else would they pick them to go to the Final Four?

So now your bracket is fucked this year, and there is a boring VCU vs. Butler national semi-final.  But on the bright side, next year's NCAA tourney pools are going to be ripe for the picking.  Everybody is going to be sending crazy teams to the Final Four because it happened this year, and they are going to be screwing their brackets before the games start.  Remember that this is abnormal, and there is a reason teams get 11 and 8 seeds.  So next year, just forget about this year and stick with your normal draft strategy and cash some checks.

The Derrick Rose angry face is here

 

Blog a Bull - 4:09 Derrick Rose makes free throw 1 of 2 80-83  
4:09 Derrick Rose makes free throw 2 of 2 81-83
3:36 Carlos Boozer makes layup (Derrick Rose assists) 83-83
2:50 83-87 Brandon Jennings shooting foul (Derrick Rose draws the foul)
2:50 Derrick Rose makes free throw 1 of 2 84-87
2:50 Derrick Rose makes free throw 2 of 2 85-87
2:28 Joakim Noah makes dunk (Derrick Rose assists) 87-87
1:53 Derrick Rose makes layup 89-87
1:07 Derrick Rose makes 13-foot jumper 91-87
0:42 Derrick Rose makes 14-foot jumper 93-87
0:29 Ronnie Brewer makes layup (Derrick Rose assists) 95-87
0:00 End of the 4th Quarter
0:00 End Game

Only thing that play-by-play is missing is the Rose angry-face. Makes every highlight seem a bit better.
The face and the game are serious. Even post-game in the locker room (featuring a gum-chewing KC Johnson), Rose isn't satisfied (while dropping some profanity!) in saying 'we didn't do shit yet', referencing his previous two first-round losses in the playoffs.
No doubt with the #1 seed and a gimme first-round matchup, those specific demons will be exorcised eventually. But unlikely that will leave Rose satisfied either.
It's still humility, but so very not humble-bot. And that difference is ultimately sideshow, anyway. The game Rose displayed (and drive to execute it) was positively Wade-ian, the version that won the NBA title.

ChicagBro of the Week: Derrick Williams

So this was pretty easy.  When you go HAM and single-handedly knock the the Duke White...err Blue Devils out of the tournament, you get to be the ChicagBro of the Week, no matter where you are from.  Especially if you kind of look like Humpty Hump, without glasses.

Wait, the Red Sox are "All in" too!?

South Side Sox - This is probably the worst thing you will ever see in your life. I barely made it past 'Bobby Jenks' and 'awesome' before my stomach started to cramp and I had to shut it down. As the cherry on top of this steaming pile of garbage, they steal the White Sox marketing slogan for 2011.
I dare you to try and beat my record of 40 seconds.

Brent Morel named White Sox starting third baseman

Chicago Breaking Sports - Manager Ozzie Guillen announced Thursday what had became very apparent two weeks ago -- that rookie Brent Morel will be the Chicago White Sox's starting third baseman.
Morel, 23, was batting .269 entering Thursday's game against the Cubs but provides more dependable defense than veteran Mark Teahen, who will be used as a utility player.

Good news for White Sox fans.  Mark Teahen is not the starting White Sox third baseman this year.  I think it would have only taken me about five games before I started violently throw up from watching Teahen try to field ground balls, so I really couldn't be more happy.

Not that I expect Brent Morel to be in the running for Rookie of the Year or anything, but he plays good defense and should be an adequate bottom of the order hitter.  Bill James' (king of the stat nerds) projections at Fangraphs for Morel this year are: 61 runs, 13 HR, 60 RBI, 10 SB, .291 AVG, and .775 OPS, which I would be more than happy with.

Oh, and if for some reason you are heart broken Mark Teahen fan, don't worry, he can play like every position (none well), so he will get plenty of at-bats this year.

This Mighty Ducks rap song is straight fire

Barstool Philly

I'm not fucking around when I say this is an absolute must watch.  Mighty Ducks, Dawson's Creek, Charlie Sheen, Miami Sound Machine, it covers them all.  There is nothing more to say about this.  It speaks for itself.  I'm already eagerly awaiting Lil' Deuce Deuce's next release, whatever it is.

Heads up if you're at the office.  You might want to turn the volume down or put on some headphones.

MJ is not happy about Harrison Barnes wearing Kobes

Hey Harrison Barnes, show some respect!  You go to North Carolina, aka the University of Michael Jordan, you better be wearing Jordans at all times.  And to wear the Kobes, that is just a slap right in the G.O.A.T.'s face.  It's just a lack or respect.  MJ has got you wearing custom Jordans that only the UNC basketball team gets and you are bitchin' about not getting the "cool greys".  I can't wait until Ohio State kicks your ass.

This also raises a question.  Did Jordan commit an NCAA violation by promising them "anything they want" if they make the Final Four?  Or can he do that because he is basically Jordan Brand, which dresses them?  The NCAA is so fucked up, nothing would surprise me.

PS - What kind of ride is that Jordan is about to get on?  Some kind of street legal quad?

Getting dunked on...like a Bosh

I did not know that Rodney Stuckey had that in him, but what the fuck is Bosh doing there?  You have three options when you are about to get dunked on.  You can either block the dunk (which Bosh failed to do), foul the dude hard, or get the fuck out the way.  I personally would have gone with option three here but Bosh decided to take option number four, get dunked on, like a Bosh.

Ok, I won't delay the inevitable anymore...PLAY THE MUSIC!


TBJ exclusive: Like A Bosh from The Basketball Jones on Vimeo.

Lebron is dancing again

Lebron is just making this too easy now.  He apparently decided to do some aerobics on the Ellen Show, and it wasn't a good decision.  He knows people are going to make fun of him for this stuff, right?  I mean if you are going to be on TV doing some jazzercize at least make sure that you have the steps down.  And obviously it had to be set to some Miami Sound Machine.

Marquette is in the sweet 16, so they made a rap video

Deadspin - Well, since the Big East bellyflopped in the tourney's first weekend, we have two teams—UConn and, uh, Marquette—left reppin' the supposedly superior conference that started with 11 teams on Thursday.
Which means instead of hearing, say, Syracuse grad Lou Reed (or his heirs apparent upstate), you get the mellifluous tones of Marquette's finest, the Spanish O'Donnells. Which is cool if you like autotuned white college rap and hearing the word "buzz" over and over again, usually as a proper noun. But you probably will not like that at all.
What the hell, why not humor the Spanish O'Ds for now? We know John Henson's wingspan will swat the song off the web come Friday night.

What is going on up in Wisconsin that leads to so many people making YouTube rap videos about college and sports?  In the last six months we have multiple videos from the Badger fans, a Packer "Green and Yellow" video (which I almost shouldn't count because there are so many of those, but this was one of the better ones) and now this Marquette "Buzzin'" video.  I guess drinking beer, eating cheese and brats, and making rap videos is just a good time.

Also, it's pretty clear to me after watching this video that UW-Madison has a much better music/web video department than Marquette.  The rapping just isn't as good as "Teach Me How to Bucky" or even that terrible "We're Smelling Roses" song (which clearly should have been named "We Smellin' Roses" to make it seem authentic).  It also would have been nice if they put some actual video, in their video.  I will give them some props though, I kind of liked the beat and sample.

The Bulls are so good they are making kids cry

Poor kid.  It's not his fault that his mom brought him to a game they had no chance of winning.  Maybe next time she can bring him to a game against the Wizards or something.

Oh yeah, the Bulls won 114 - 81 and are back in first place by half a game.  They are just killing teams right now, and making it look easy.  There just isn't much more to say about it.

Crazy Euro buzzer beater holds you over until the sweet 16

How about those Euroleague hoops?  I was going through buzzer beater withdrawal yesterday and this cured it four times over.  If this happened during the NCAA Tournament, America would have collectively blown it's load while watching it, and Gus Johnson would have probably exploded while announcing it.

PS - You know there was some degenerate Spanish gambler, who literally had a heart attack while watching this.

Too big, too strong, too fast, too good, Bulls win 50th

 

When you see the picture of the starters on the bench laughing and clapping, you know the game went well.  The Bulls destroyed the Kings 132-92 and won their 50th game for the first time since 97-98 Bulls won the championship.  Eight players scored in double digits and the starters were on the bench smiling and goofing around for most of the fourth quarter.  

This game basically devolved into a dunk contest for the Bulls players.  Click "Read More" to check out some of the monster dunks after the jump.

We have a new record for a high dive into a shallow pool

BBC - A US shallow diver has broken his own world record by swan-diving 36ft (11m) into a paddling pool containing just 12in (30.5cm) of water.

Darren Taylor, also known as Professor Splash, dived into a pool of near-freezing water in Trondheim, Norway, making the jump his 13th Guinness certified record.
Mr Taylor, who is from Colorado in the US, has 25 years' professional high-diving experience and works as a stunt diver.

Hey Professor Splash, don't shit at shitter..  The "cushion effect" you are talking about is that giant gray gym mat that they put under the pool.  When I was in junior high I would climb that rope in gym class and jump off of it on to one of those things.  It didn't hurt at all because it's a fucking giant pad made to prevent injury.  If you want to impress me, fill up your little kiddie pool in a parking lot with no pad under it, dive into it and then yell "I feel glorious! I feel fantastic! Thank you Norway!".

Is this the greatest offensive foul ever?

If this isn't the best offensive foul ever, it is at least the best one I can think of.  If there has ever been an excusable offensive foul it is this one.  I mean when you have the chance to knock over a 7 footer by slamming your nutsack into their face you just have to do it.

Matt Thornton named White Sox closer

 

ESPNChicago - Chicago White Sox pitcher Matt Thornton is having a nice little spring, adding the closer job to the contract extension he signed a few weeks ago.

Manager Ozzie Guillen announced after Saturday's game against the Oakland Athletics, that Thornton would be his man for the ninth inning of games when the White Sox were in the lead. Thornton did not pitch Saturday.
"I think Matt Thornton earned it," Guillen said. "I think we have a lot of confidence [in him]."
Chris Sale was the last reliever in the running for the role, but has struggled with a 6.48 ERA over 8 1/3 innings. Thornton has a 3.00 ERA over six innings this spring.

I was pulling for Sale to win the closer job, but he has struggled this spring and it is hard to argue against going with the experience and track record of Matt Thornton.  He has been good against both righties and lefties and has been very consistent over the last 3 years.  He has really earned his chance to be the closer.

PS - Does this solidify the Joe Borchard for Matt Thornton trade as Kenny's biggest heist?

The McCamey, Davis, Tisdale, Cole Era Is Over

 

That was a pretty fitting ending to the McCamey, Davis, Tisdale, Cole era last night. Keep the game close for about 35 minutes and watch it slowly slip away in the end.  It is what they have done all year and it left me with the same feeling that these four have left me with as players, disappointment.

2011 was supposed to be the year that the Fighting Illini ascended back to the top level of college basketball, with four seniors leading the way and two strong recruiting classes in a row. These four guys were the most blaring reasons that this team didn't perform as expected. The seniors were supposed to lead the way for this team and they just never stepped up. Let's take a look at their stats from the last two years:

Demetri McCamey

2009/2010 - 34.5 min, 15.1 ppg, 3.6 rpg, 7.1 apg

2010/2011 - 33.4 min, 14.6 ppg, 3.4 rpg, 6.1 apg

Mike Davis

2009/2010 - 32.3 min, 10.7 ppg, 9.2 rpg, 0.9 apg

2010/2011 - 33.0 min, 12.7 ppg, 7.1 rpg, 1.7 apg

Mike Tisdale

2009/2010 - 27.9 min, 11.9 ppg, 6.0 rpg, 0.8 apg

2010/2011 - 26.3 min, 10.0 ppg, 6.5 rpg, 1.3 apg

Bill Cole

2009/2010 - 21.3 min, 4.4 ppg, 3.2 rpg, 1.0 apg

2010/2011 - 20.7 min, 4.9 ppg, 2.5 rpg, 1.3 apg

As you can see, there was no real improvement by any of them, and as far as I could tell, no real "senior leadership." They just coasted along, doing what they have always done.  

Bruce Weber and McCamey have never seen eye-to-eye and it resulted in numerous spats between the two and McCamey being benched multiple times.This conflict really hurt this team and was basically the biggest problem they had to face. McCamey has been the appointed "leader" of this team for the last two years, but who do the players follow? The "leader" and best player on the team, or the coach? We know how good things can be when a coach and a star player are on the same page (just look at the Bulls), so it makes sense that things would go sour when they just don't get along.

Well, those problems are behind them now. The Illini have new problems - like figuring out what their lineup and rotations are going to look like next year and finding some leaders on a team that will have no seniors. Actually Sam Maniscalco, who is a transferring from Bradley, will be a senior, but it's tough to become a leader when you are new to a team. I assume that Brandon Paul, DJ Richardson and Jereme Richmond will be starting next year, but that still leaves two open spots. Crandall Head started to play more late in the season and Meyers Leonard is a big body, but I don't know if either one of them are ready to be starters. 

 

Who knows, they may end up finding a starter from what appears to be a strong recruiting class (11th in the country according to ESPN), but I guess the Illini Nation will just have to wait to see what happens in 2012.

ChicagBro of the Week: Matt Howard

First off, let me apologize for the delay on announcing the ChicagBro of the Week.  It was not my fault that I had to drink all day on Friday and watch NCAA Tournament games.  Ok, maybe it was, but it is a good excuse.

The ChicagBro of the Week is clearly Matt Howard.  When you have the buzzer-beating put back in game 1 and hit the winning free throws in game 2, which was the most ridiculous ending of a game that I have ever seen, then I think you are getting the honor.  Add in that he is from the suburbs (remember the entire states of Indiana, Wisconsin, and Iowa are Chicago suburbs) and that seals the deal.

Game winning put back against Old Dominion

Insane Butler vs Pitt ending

Day 1 didn't disappoint

 

In case you got too drunk yesterday too remember, it was a great opening day of the tournament.  There were four buzzer-beaters and two legit upsets.  The highlight of the day was 13 seed Morehead State knocking off the 4 seed Louisville, who some people had picked to go to the Final Four.  I hope day 2 can keep the momentum going.

Click "Read More" to see clips of the four buzzer-beaters after the jump

2 games, 1 buzzer-beater

Two games into the tournament and we already have out first buzzer-beater.  That's a good sign for things to come.  Too bad Butler didn't hit the buzzer-beater to end the year, last year.

Extra, extra, this kid is everywhere

Wait, this guy isn't a kid at all!?  According to his "impressive" IMDB page this guy is 32 years old.  I'm not gonna hate at all here, though.  I would love to just be peeking my head out in the background of every TV show and movie ever.  I think I need a goofier look though.  That seems to be the secret to this guys success.

Get out of the office, it's game time!

Get out of the office!  Seriously, get out of there right now.  Find a TV and hunker down, because you aren't gonna be moving for awhile.  And if you can't leave for the day at least plan on a two hour long liquid lunch or something.

In case you were wondering, those are my golden bracket picks up above.  I had to hold out posting them until the last second, so my competition couldn't copy all my picks and split the 1st place money with me.  Who am I kidding?  This bracket has "bottom 10%" written all over it.

Classic March Madness moments...lego-style

Deadspin - The portion of March Madness involving real teams starts in a few hours with Clemson vs. West Virginia at 12:15 p.m. Reliving memories of Laettner, Webber, Edney and Butler, all Lego-ized, starts now. (Glaring omission: Bryce Drew.)

I don't know who spends the time to do something like this, but I'm glad they did.  How long does something like this take? Two days?  I need to commission this guy to make the last 2 minutes and overtime of the epic Illinois comeback against Arizona in 2005.  I think five bucks and a box of legos should get the job done.

Javale McGee and the 2nd worst triple double ever

I have been looking for this video all day.  Last night Javale McGee had a triple double against the Bulls, but it was a sucky ass triple double.  Don't get me wrong, the 12 blocks were huge, but his ridiculous attempts to get to 10 points at the end of that game were embarrassing.  Then doing a pull-up on the rim when he is losing by 20...lame.  Thibs should have let the White Mamba take a shot at the free big macs, just to pay that bitch back.

In case you were curious, the worst triple double ever was when Ricky Davis threw the ball off of his own hoop at the end of the game to get his 10th rebound.  The video below shows you what he did, along with an awesome song and some unexplainable weirdness at the end.

Presidential bracket: Obama's a conservative

ESPN

For the third year in a row Obama has filled out a presidential bracket for ESPN.  He picked UNC correctly two years ago and totally crapped out last year.  So what did he do this year?  He went as conservative as possible, straight chalk.  He picked all four #1 seeds to make the Final Four.  And if you are going straight chalk, you may as well go "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" for the championship.  Maybe he thinks this will score him some red state votes in 2012.

No Boozer, no Noah, no problem

 

Boozer is still out with his injured ankle and Noah was sent home before the game because of illness.  It didn't seem to matter though as the Bulls beat the Wizards easily, 98-79.  That is what happens when a team is legitimately good and plays amazing defense (actually they are better at defense without Boozer), and that is why the Bulls are now in first place in the East, by themselves.

How about Bogans playing his best game yet for the Bulls?  17 points, 5 rebounds while going 5 for 10 from three point range.  I love to rip Bogans, but he plays tough defense and stepped up last night when the roster was thin.  So props to Bogans, I'll give you the banner picture on the blog.

PS - I can't believe that the White Mamba got into the game in the 1st quarter.  I guess he just has the Wizards' number.

Good god, that's Snooki's music!!!

Guysim - WWE continues its march to April 3rd’s WrestleMania XXVII. And they’re not messing around in terms of booking the big names…first The Rock returns, then “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and, now, “Jersey Shore” guidette Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi will bring her immense athletic talents and propensity to get punched in the face into a WrestleMania XXVII match in Atlanta, Georgia.

Hold the phone.  Snooki, the Rock and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin are going to be at Wrestlemania!?  Get the fuck out of here.  This sounds like pretty much the best fake sporting event ever and if I was 10 years old I would be begging my parents to order this on pay-per-view.

Seriously though, what is Snooki going to do in the ring besides pulling hair and throwing pickles at people?  I really hope that Snooki gets her ass kicked and then JWoww just comes out of nowhere and starts beating bitches up.  It's the only way this match can be somewhat believable.

Thank you New Jersey...Bulls tied for first

Blogabull

The Nets beat the Celtics last night 88-79 and I am almost as Goldberg from the Mighty Ducks is in that video.  Why?  Because the Bulls are now tied with the Celtics for first place in the East with 17 games left in the season and that #1 seed in the East is a big deal this year.  I mean which path would you rather have in the playoffs?  Indiana, Orlando and homecourt vs Miami/Boston or Philly/New York, Miami and on the road in game 7 against Boston.  The first option is clearly better, especially for a young team like the Bulls that plays much better at home.

And how about Kris Humphries just destroying that little bitch, Rondo, on the backcourt screen. Rondo, you gotta keep your head on a swivel bro.




PS - There has to be something magic (besides the obvious) about Kim Kardashian's ass.  I mean Reggie Bush wins the Super Bowl, the Cowboys season falls apart after Miles Austin breaks up with her, and now Kris Humphries.  Dude was a journeyman NBA player for 7 years, starts dating Kim Kardashian and is all of a sudden putting up 18 point 15 rebound games on the reg.  I'm telling you, there is something magic about it.

The best bracket picking tips you are gonna find

So everybody has their brackets out and is trying to figure out who is going to make the Final Four and where the early upsets are going to be.  Also every website is giving out tips and strategies on how to fill out your bracket.  The problem is, they all suck, and say a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any sense.  They give you advice based on historical trends, in a sport that turns over so fast that anything that happened three years ago doesn't matter anymore.

I'm going to give you real advice.  Why should you take it?  Well because I have won more of these pools than anybody I know.  I have won 3 and cashed out numerous other times, while filling out only one bracket a year.  None of that submitting seven brackets and then claiming to be a genius when one does well.  So here goes...

Fill out the bracket backwards - What I mean here is, figure out who your Final Four are first.  That is where all the points are in your pool, so spend the most time trying to figure this out.  Which leads me to...

Don't pick too many early upsets - Sure it's fun to say that you picked an early upset right.  But if you pick 8 early upsets, your probably going to get half wrong, and that hurts you more than it helps you.  Sure you get some points for the ones you got right, but you are losing way more potential points by missing on those high seeds advancing.

Don't worry about past trends - This means don't just pick a 12 seed because a 12 seed always wins.  Pick the team you think will win.  Five years ago every player on every team was different, so what happened then has absolutely no bearing on what will happen this year.  I remember when Florida repeated, people said not to pick them because it was too hard to repeat and nobody had done it in 15 years.  Well they were the best team, so they won, and won me my pool.

Don't get too fancy - When you are done filling out your bracket if you look down and see a 3,5,7, and 2 as your Final Four, you fucked up.  It's not gonna happen.  Start over and remember those teams got seeded well because they are good.


Don't worry about what the experts say - I'm pretty sure you can find an "expert" that has picked every different team.  You are only going to confuse yourself if you read all of their picks.  Plus, they basically get paid to entertain you, meaning they are going to get a lot more viewers or hits if they are picking upsets instead of picking the 1 seed to advance.

Basically what I'm saying here is, play it safe.  You can't win your pool on the first weekend, but you can definitely lose it.  Nobody remembers who picked the first round upset last year, but the winner's name gets sent out in the bracket email next year.

The Illini are going to the dance with an ex (or two)

Let me get this straight.  The Illini backed into the tournament and yet still somehow got a 9 seed.  Apparently the selection committee did not watch them play much late in the year.  No team in the country has proven they can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory like the Illini.  Sure, if you just watched them play for five minutes here or there, they look like a legit team, but then you would be missing the part where they fall apart at the end of every game.  I guess I will just be happy that the computers love them for some reason, and the made the tournament.

And talk about awkward for Bruce Weber.  Bruce is on the hot seat and may have to make a run in the tournament to save his job.  No big deal, he would just have to beat the last two Illinois coaches to make that run.  In the first round the Illini will face Lon Kruger, who left Illinois for the NBA in 2000, and is currently the coach of UNLV.  If they beat UNLV, they will get rewarded with the #2 team in the country, Kansas, led by their last coach Bill Self.

I don't think Illinois fans hold any ill will against Lon Kruger, but the same cannot be said for Bill Self.  Illini fans will probably never forgive Bill Self for Illinois when the program was at its best and ready to take off.  So, if Bruce wants to win over the doubting Illini fans, beating Self and Kansas would definitely do the trick.  It is just too bad for him, that there is about 1% chance of that happening.  Kansas is just too good, and the Illini would somehow have to win a game just to get to play them.

PS - Those guys are trying so hard to look cool in that picture.

Gus Johnson is peaking at the right time

Gus Johnson could not be more ready for the tournament to start.  It is like when the Packers just flipped the switch in week 16 and started steamrolling everyone.  Gus is just gonna be dominating the tourney for the next month.

Also, when did conference championship week get so awesome?  It's like the first round of the NCAA Tournament, just loaded with upsets and buzzer beaters, except all the teams are rivals.  Hell, even Harvard and Princeton put on a show.

It's St. Patrick's Weekend, go get drunk and find the gold

I will watch this video every St. Patrick's day for the rest of my life.

ChicagBro of the Week: Anyone not associated with Illini hoops

Way to make one shot in the last 12 minutes assholes.  This team does not deserve to be in the NCAA Tournament, I don't care what their RPI or SOS is.  I can't wait until everybody on this team graduates after this year and Bruce gets fired.  CAN'T WAIT.

Wofford is dancing (like bernie)

BarstoolU - That clip that they keep repeating of #5 starting the Bernie up cracks me up every fucking time.   Just love these videos of hoops teams winning their conference tourneys and going absolutely bonkers.    Pure jubilation.    Like not to be a downer but it’s never gonna get much better than this.  Just hooping it up with your boys heading to the big dance Bernie dancing like a motherfucker.

It looks like Wofford is officially my favorite team in the tournament that has no chance to win a game this year, and I found my official dance of St. Patrick's Day 2011.

Barkley calls Billy Packer a jackass

Guyism - Charles Barkley has been focusing his rants lately on the Miami Heat and their struggles. But he took time last night to address some of the comments former CBS broadcaster Billy Packer made to USA Today about the new tournament TV format. If you recall, last year, Turner Broadcasting announced a partnership with CBS to air tournament games across three of their stations. Packer thinks that the lack of knowledge from some of the NBA crew, like Barkley, will hurt the tournament in the long run.
Needless to say, Barkley didn’t waste time responding to Packer calling him a jackass and telling him to shut the hell up. A sentiment that is shared by many. 

More Barkley is just more better.  NCAA basketball fans should be excited for Barkley and the TNT crew to get their hands on the NCAA Tournament.  They are the best in the business.  They might not know the NCAA as much as some other people, but they really know basketball and will tell it like is.  I mean we have known Billy Packer was a jackass for years and nobody has said it, and Barkley got that out of the way before the first NCAA telecast.

PS - It is inevitable that somebody gets pissed off because Barkley criticizes an "amateur" athlete too harshly and Barkley won't apologize for it.  I can't wait.

Is Tim Lincecum just smoking weed right in our face?

Youtube - From Another life twin brothers, Tim Lincecum could give to his twin fan Luiz , a San Francisco taxi driver, a milion dollars to make his dreams come true and soon "JOINT" him for the world biggest soccer tournament event that will take place and his home born country , Rio de Janeiro Brazil. Making friends around the world. Way to go...

Don't shit a shitter.  That is clearly Tim Lincecum doing a terrible accent in this video, not some twin brother from another mother named Luiz.  He is just smoking a joint in the world's face with his bong and bag of weed on the table.  This shouldn't really shock anybody, though.  Dude is clearly a pothead and doesn't really apologize for it.


If that isn't Tim, it has to be the kid from Dazed and Confused, right?  Well, that is at least probably Tim's best defense when MLB knocks on his door.

March Madness is here early, Kemba Walker walks off at MSG

Get off the ground McGhee!!!  You can't get your ankles broken on the last play of the game.  Kemba just killed it.  I hope this is a sign of things to come in this March.

PS - So it seems like its safe to pick Pitt to get upset again early in the tournament, like every year.

Blake Griffin is pimping some guy for the NFL draft

Um, I need that hat and I need it now.  I love the Mars "Blakeman" outfit, but why is he doing this for Jordan Cameron, a projected mid-round draft pick?  Is it just because his name is Jordan and he is in LA by Blake at USC?  Maybe, but it probably has to do something with agents or sponsors or something.

Well at least I know what my Halloween costume is going to be this year.

Oh crap, Boozer is hurt again

 

The Bulls beat the Bobcats last night 101-84 and clinched a playoff spot.  In recent years that would be big news, but not this year.  A lot more is expected of this team.

The one thing that could really derail this team is an injury, so naturally that happened last night.  Carlos Boozer left the court with an injured ankle in the fourth quarter of the game last night.  Which is not really shocking considering Boozer is super injury plagued, but scary none the less.  According to the Bulls, X-rays were negative, and they will re-evaluate him on Thursday.  He is still going to miss some time, but the question is how much.  The Bulls are good enough to survive the regular season without him, but they are going to need him at full strength for any shot at a championship run, which is really what this season has been all about.

Big Ten Tournament bracket and picks

The Big Ten Tournament starts tomorrow, and that's right, I filled out a bracket.  No better way to get ready for the big dance than to practice by filling out a conference bracket a week early.  Please note that I filled it out in pen, so you know that I'm confident.  So let's break down these picks.


Game 1 - #8 Northwestern over #9 Minnesota - The last game Northwestern played they beat Minnesota by 11.  The smart kids at Northwestern have literally been watching Minnesota tape for a week.  You can't give smart kids that much time to study and expect to win.


Game 2 - #7 Michigan State over #10 Iowa - Izzo is not gonna miss this the NCAA Tournament this year without a fight, and Iowa sucks.


Game 3 - #6 Penn State over #11 Indiana - Penn State sneaky doesn't suck and Indiana is really bad at basketball.

Game 4 - #1 Ohio State over #8 Northwestern - The Buckeyes barely got out of Evanston with a win the only time these two played this year.  Sadly for Northwestern that means there is no way Ohio State is going to take this game lightly.


Game 5 - #5 Illinois over #4 Michigan - The Illini won a close game in Champaign the only time these two played this year.  This is a hard pick and should be a really good game.  Illinois usually plays well in the Big Tournament and historically has the best record in it at 23-11.  I'm going with history here.


Game 6 - #2 Purdue over #7 Michigan State - Michigan State really needs this game and it is hard to pick against Izzo this time of year, but Purdue and JaJuan Johnson are going to beat Sparty for the 3rd time this year.


Game 7 - #6 Penn State over #3 Wisconsin - Talor Battle is an under appreciated player, who has been kind of lost in the shuffle while playing for Penn State for the last four years.  The guy is good and he has never played in an NCAA Tournament.  Penn State needs this game to have a chance at the dance.  Wisconsin is only 7-7 when they don't play at the Kohl Center.  The senior Talor Battle and Penn State pull off the upset.


Game 8 - #1 Ohio State over #5 Illinois - For the second consecutive year Ohio State will start my St. Patrick's Saturday off on the wrong foot by beating the Illini.


Game 9 - #2 Purdue over #6 Penn State - Talor Battle is a good senior but JaJuan Johnson is a great senior.  Purdue wins this one pretty easily.


Game 10 - Championship Game - #1 Ohio State over #2 Purdue - The best two teams in the Big Ten all year face off in this game.  This should be a really good game with NCAA Tournament seeding on the line.  But when it comes down to it, Purdue is the second best team in the Big Ten and Ohio State is the best team in the country.  To paraphrase Stacey King, Ohio State is Too Big, Too Strong, Too Fast, Too Good.

At least when Buckeye fans are gloating about this we can all remind them about how their football program is falling apart before our eyes.

Coming Attractions: Derrick Rose

It appears the NBA hype machine is working overtime and producing fake movie trailers for D-Rose now.  It is like David Stern has decided that Derrick Rose being named MVP is best for the league.  Which is probably true.  It would help solidify another bankable superstar in a major market, and the NBA is a star driven league.

But what is going on with the production of this video? I had to watch it three times before I noticed the NBA made it.  The fonts they use just make it seem like some kid made it on his computer at home.  It is still a pretty cool video though, but not as cool as the Adidas commercial from a couple weeks ago. 

Apparently Tom Brady stole those dance moves from Ditka

Everythingisterrible.com

Brady must have been studying this video before he went to Rio because those are basically the exact same moves he was breaking out at Carnival.

More importantly, where the fuck did this video come from?  How have I never seen this before?

This totally explains why the Bears only won one championship in the 80's with all the talent they had.  The coach and the players were just not on the same page.  The players are all Super Bowl Shufflin' around while Ditka is over there doing the Touchdown Hustle.  They were just stepping on each others feet all over the place.  Sad, sad story.

Breaking News: Old guy hates rap music

Politico - Alan Simpson might need to freshen up on his pop culture.
The co-chairman of President Obama’s deficit commission tried to scold the elderly on Monday for complaining about their Social Security funds being targeted, but instead he found himself making a reference to “Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg.”
“This is a fakery,” Simpson said on Fox News. “If they care at all about their children or grandchildren, and sometimes I doubt that – I think, you know, grandchildren now don’t write a thank-you for the Christmas presents, they’re walking on their pants with the cap on backwards listening to the enema man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg, and they don’t like them!”

Somebody needs to get this old guy some new rap music to listen to.  I mean, Enema Man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg were cool like 10 years ago.  I'm gonna send this guy a mix CD with some Poopay Fiasco and Piss Khalifa on it. I think he might be into them.

PS - He is right.  Kids don't send thank you cards anymore.

Tom Brady needs to get out of Brazil ASAP

Tom!!!  What are you doing!?  You need to get out of Brazil as fast as you can, before you embarrass yourself anymore.  Stop dancing and get yourself to a barber shop and ask them to give you a men's haircut.

A crazy buzzer beater to get you ready for the NCAA Tournament

The NCAA Tournament is approaching fast, so we need to get used to seeing some buzzer beaters, and this one doesn't disappoint.  I know, I know, the kid traveled, but he is obviously a star player and you don't call a travel on the star player at the end of the game.  It's like Jordan pushing down Bryon Russell before he made the shot to win the championship in '98. You just let history happen.  Oh yeah, and if the ref did call traveling there a parent probably would have murdered him.

I can no longer defend Tom Brady's hair

 

I don't think there is a bigger Tom Brady fan in the city of Chicago than me and even I cannot defend this terrible hairstyle.  And that is saying a lot coming from a guy who doesn't exactly have a full head of hair.  I mean, he is starting to really look like a lesbian.  It must be what Gisele wants.  It is the only thing that can explain this.

How do his teammates feel about this?  It has to be pretty hard for his teammates to take him seriously as a leader when he looks like this.  But seriously, what happened to Stetson ad Tom Brady?  That was someone I could really get behind...eh...yeah...I totally didn't mean it like that.

"The world is better now because the Heat is losing" - Dwyane Wade

You said it Dwyane, not me.  I never thought I would watch a YouTube montage of missed NBA shots and enjoy it, but I was wrong.  My only problem with the video is the music.  I have no clue what message the maker of the video is trying to send.  Is he saying that Soulja Boi and the Heat both suck?  I personally would have gone with "The Heat is On" by Glen Frey as some sarcastic background music.

PS - I can't believe 35 people clicked "dislike" on the video for "The Heat is On".  It's an absolute outrage.

Not a good weekend for the Knight family

Bobby Knight drops a "chickenshit" on College GameDay and his son Pat Knight gets fired from his job as Texas Tech basketball coach, the job he inherited from his dad.  It just sucks, because these guys are so classy and don't deserve anything like this.

PS - That was sarcasm.  They are both raging douche missiles.

El Heat cried after losing to Los Bulls

Huffington Post All of these tough losses are apparently getting to some of the Miami Heat players.

After the Heat lost their fourth straight game on Sunday, some of the players were reportedly very emotional in the locker room.

According to Ira Winderman of the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, Spoelstra said: "There are a couple of guys crying there in the locker room." Brian Windhorst of ESPN also confirmed the report.

It has been a rough stretch for Miami. The Chicago Bulls beat the Heat by one point after both LeBron James and Dwyane Wade missed shots in the final seconds.

On Friday, the San Antonio Spurs gave the Heat their worst loss of the season, crushing them 125-95.

Miami gave up a 24-point lead in the third quarter the previous night against Orlando. The Magic pulled off an amazing comeback to win 99-96 after Chris Bosh and LeBron missed 3-point attempts in the final seconds. 

I can't even comprehend grown ass men crying after losing a regular season basketball game.  I kind of get it when it is a college kid who just lost his last game as a senior and is never going to play basketball again, but these guys are pros, and need to act like it.  

My big question here is, who are the "couple of guys crying"? I think we can safely say that one of them is Bosh, since he cried after the Orlando game.  The other guy is trickier.  It has to be someone who has a lot at stake, since it made him cry, so that rules out the role players.  I don't think a guy like Dwyane Wade, who has already won a championship, is going to cry after any regular season game.  So it has to be Lebron.  He has proven himself as a sore loser in the past and this goes along with that image perfectly. 

I would love to know what guys around the league think about this. I know what I think.  Next time it is Noche Latina, the NBA should issue La Heat jerseys to the team from Miami.